Assignment 5f- DOMESTIC ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Why would you abuse someone you love?

DOMESTIC ABUSE includes (sexual violence and spousal abuse)

Other reasons for domestic abuse:

1.) Financial problems- especially under the striking balance between men and women

2.)Family Problems

3.) Women’s Safety in the society: How should women prevent themselves from being harmed?

4.) Relationship Problems- (when one cheated on another)

5.) Unbalanced role between men and women

GIRLS ARE MOSTLY VICTIMS:

                Despite the constant growth in economy, the underlying dangers in the society are still inevitable. Seeing all these cases of domestic abuse, I can’t help but feel sorry for the victims. Some of them were killed by their boyfriend or partner, others ended up in critical conditions that ruined their whole life. I can relate to those cases where the victim was abused by their boyfriend as I was once under a similar situation.

               My ex- boyfriend attempted to abuse me when we broke up. When he heard my words, he instantly became furious. At that moment, I knew I shouldn’t have broken up with him in his room; I should have chosen a safer place like a public area to protect myself.  He became very emotional and clenched his fist tightly. Then he glared at me for a long time. Slowly, he started walking towards me. It was the first time that I felt threatened and endangered. I ran for the door immediately. Although he kept texting me to apologize for losing his temper, I never replied. From that day on, we never spoke to each other again.

Another experience was from my friend in Hong Kong. She suggested breaking up with her boyfriend inside his apartment. Seeing that her boyfriend was shaking with anger, my friend attempted to leave his apartment. Unluckily, her boyfriend caught her.  He just simply couldn’t accept the breakup. So instead of accepting it, he decided to keep her with him physically. While struggling from his imprisonment,  he attacked her with a knife, and slashed her arm and left. She ended in the hospital for 2 days and he was filed for domestic violence.

In Hong Kong, issues of domestic abuse have doubled in the first three months of 2012, and the exponential growth of these statistics frightens me. Even in a developed place like Hong Kong, the cases of domestic abuse are growing at jet speed, what about those under-developed places?

In some cases, the victims can heal from their physical damages, but what about their mental health? It is inevitable that domestic abuse will leave marks in one’s life. In some serious cases, domestic abuse have left permanent marks in victim’s lives.

Women’s Safety in Hong Kong:

How should women protect themselves from being harmed?

I don’t think the government in Hong Kong has enough coverage to protect families from domestic abuse. One of the main reasons why people cannot get enough help is that they do not dare to seek for help. Instead, they wait and pray for potential help. Even if they get help in the end, the actual work that can be done is minimal, as the damages are made. Actually, the delay of help can be prevented. Instead of waiting to receive help, women who suffer from family violence should go to charity organizations like the Caritas for immediate help and support. It is also important to encourage friends or neighbours in need to seek help from social workers. There is no use to hide in the dark! The only way to live a new life is to make a first step, to get rid of the family violence!

A lot of people may say, “I can’t! I just can’t! I can’t let my spouse go to jail.”

            But if they harm you, why would you defend them?

Here is what women need:

-       To protect their own rights

-       To live their own life

-       To have a healthy relationship.

Remember: Women are no longer subordinate by men nor a property of them!

The Chinese traditional views have affected people mentally and physically.

DOMESTIC ABUSE MUST BE TAKEN IN CONSIDERATION!

Here is what women need:

-       To protect their own rights                                                

-       To live their own life

-       To have a healthy relationship.

Remember: Women are no longer subordinate by men or a property of them!

The Chinese traditional views have affected people mentally and physically.

DOMESTIC ABUSE MUST BE TAKEN IN CONSIDERATION!

A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE THAT I FOUND BRUTAL:

One of the most brutal domestic violence cases that shocked me was a case that happened last year at Tin Shui Wai, Hong Kong, where most residence  have a very low income. A man found out that his wife cheated on him, to release his anger,he slashed his wife with a knife for more  than 100 times without stopping. Their children hid in the wardrobe when the incident happened, but through the gaps they saw their father slashing their mother. The man jumped off the building afterwards. After the incident, the victim’s children creeped out from the wardrobe and saw their mother lying on the floor tainted with blood. From what they described, they saw most of the cuts on their mother’s face.  This incident brought the children long term fear and pain; and the young child has to meet the psychologist for further treatment and therapy. This case of domestic violence not only led to the loss of one’s life, but also gave a permanent scar to the children. Not only did they lose their family, they also had to witness such brutal acts performed in front of them. Even with the help of psychologists, the children will have to live under the shadow of this case. The mental damage brought to the children cannot be measured.

(Celebrity Domestic Abuse: Mr. Law Chung Him (middle person) attempted to beat Theresa after their breakup.)

By pytam1105
Aside

For many teenagers in Hong Kong, drug smuggling is a part of their life. I have a family friend “Y” who started to take drugs in grade 8. He was the first person I knew that took drugs, he took cocaine, and now he smokes marijuana. The amount of drugs he did increased by years.  He said that the first time he saw cocaine was at a night club at Tsim Sha Tsui (TST).

What happens at a night club…

GIRLS BE CAREFUL! AVOID DRINKING ALCOHOL AT A NIGHT CLUB!

“A friend of mine hid the cocaine in a cigarette box. I didn’t know that it was cocaine until my friend told me, I thought it’s a pack of mixed powder,” Y said. “He told me that it was something that would make you forget all your worries,” Y shrugged and smiled.

“Then he poured the cocaine in my drink. My friend also told me to offer some cocaine to the girl sitting at the table beside me. I knew better to resist. I took a sip of the drink. It couldn’t taste the cocaine, so I took another sip,” Y grieved.

“Why did he have to take drugs to make himself happy?” I have never seen drugs like cocaine or marijuana in real life and I heard that it doesn’t taste good, but when people get addicted, it is hard to let go. To me, taking drugs is similar to smoking. It is a life and death decision, but they still make people take the risk.

My own experience:

Last year I went to my friend’s birthday party and my friend introduced me to a guy. When I first saw the guy, he kept sniffing and sneezing. His face looked pale and I saw some white stuff on his fingers. I guess it was cocaine.

Are you alright?” I asked.

“Yes, i just took some cocaine,” the guy whizzled.

He looked at me, took a pack of cocaine from his pocket and waved up high.

“Do you want some?” he asked. I shrugged my head. “It’s good for you, the cocaine makes you happy.”

Without me responding, he poured some cocaine in my drink. I glared at him and walked away. I couldn’t imagine something like this will happen to me. From far away, I saw the guy laughing and dancing by himself . People at the dance table were staring at him.

Drug Addict Stereotypes:

A few years ago, I was tempted to take drugs after I watched a Cantonese show that talked about drugs. The protagonist in the episode kept warning her sister not to take drugs, or else her life would be completely ruined. I thought to myself, is the protagonist exaggerating on the consequences of drugs, how can a single dose kill our body? I remembered that my sister, Gloria who sat beside me at the sofa agreed with what the television said. She shivered.

“Don’t be stupid! The protagonist is only exaggerating to make his sister listen to him,” I said as I munched chips in my mouth.

“But… But… the program mentioned that cocaine is one of the most dangerous drugs. The cocaine can go into your central nervous system and into your brain. Why would a police officer lie to you? If cocaine is not a dangerous drug, why are people sentenced to jail after they store cocaine?” My sister said as she grabbed the bag of chips from me.

I paused and looked at my sister, maybe she is right.

(Pictures from cantonese episodes)

I think I believed in too many celebrities and stereotypes, drug addict stereotypes that persuaded me drug is not harmful.  In the Cantonese shows that I watched, the protagonist who took drugs survived. Therefore, people assumed that there aren’t any consequences in regards to drug taking.

The cantonese episodes that influenced me…. it totally messes up my thoughts!

Assignment 4c- Smuggling drugs

By pytam1105

Assignment 3c- Selling Sexual Service online

THE CURRENT TEENAGE TREND IN SELLING SEXUAL SERVICES ONLINE IS RIDICULOUS

NO MATTER HOW EDUCATED OR UNEDUCATED THE GIRLS ARE, IF THEY ARE FROM THE UPPER CLASS OR LOWER CLASS.  

Sexual services online have been rapidly increasing over the past few years. Nowadays, more teens are willing to sell their bodies for different reasons. I have a friend, called Ming, who works as a social worker in Hong Kong. She mainly deals with delinquent teenagers and occasionally teenage sex workers. Ming has approached a 14 year old teenage girl before, which we will call X, that went to a local school that is ranked highly in Hong Kong.

I talked to the girl and, in a sense, tried to understand her inner world.

WHY SELLING SEXUAL SERVICES ONLINE:

“Do you know how much money I earn each time? I earn MORE THAN 700 dollars each time (which is around $90 CAD) there isn’t any job that can PAY ME a better than this one,” X said.

 

                                                    (an example of what is seen on propaganda websites)

X actually smiled at me when she said this, which made me think she is too proud of herself for being a sexual worker, way too proud…

“Oh well, selling sexual service online became more common now, one of my friends had sex with guys she met at a night club and the guy will buy her branded products and clothes. Gucci… Prada…. LV… and other brands that you can think of. She carries a new purse with her each time I see her. I heard from others that she plans on expanding her “business”, not only does she sells sexual service, she also lets some freelance photographers take pictures of her naked body,” I told Ming.

WHY DOESN’T HER PARENTS STOP HER?

“My parents work in China and we don’t really communicate. They don’t know me that well. They only worry about grades- not anything else. As long as I don’t get kicked out of school, they are fine with it, ” said X.

My eyebrows furrowed. “How can your parents not worry about your life, do they know that they can get HIV Aids or other sexual transmitted disease,” I exclaimed.

After thoughts:


A sexual worker sells her body only for money?
The talk with X and my friend who works as a social worker, Ming has triggered many questions and curiosity.  Have these young sexual workers ever thought of the consequences? Has X ever thought about whether her future husband could accept that she was once a sexual worker?

-          MONEY

-          BRANDS

-          AND FOR RIDICULOUS REASONS THAT ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH MORALITY.

If I worked in this industry and dropped my own morals, my parents would:

DEFINITELY kill me,

DEFINITELY kick me out of the house,

DEFINITELY be very VERY disappointed in me.

WELL to me Hong Kong is a conservative city, Most men will not be able to accept the fact that their wives or girlfriends make out with strangers online.

It is strange that some of the parents do not like to spend time with their children

Now I don’t believe that every parent will give their children the care that they need

AND

Now I don’t believe that all parents have the ability to help their children walk in the right path

(picture of Hong Kong teens selling sexual service online with their uniforms)



What moral values do they have?

Who can we blame on? Their parents? Their school? Or the society they live in?

A possible influence to such trend I believe is the Cantonese dramas aired on TVB channel. TVB has a huge impact on the general Hong Kong culture, which we can discuss in later times, but for now…

MASSIVE CANTONESE DRAMAS CREATE FALSE STEREOTYPES…

           Massive Cantonese dramas contributor in Hong Kong create false stereotypes, teens are simultaneously influenced by it. The main contributor that changes teens’ behaviour is media, media sends out false stereotypes. During my adolescence stage, I love to imitate some actions in love scenes that the protagonist made in the Cantonese dramas, which impacts my personal life.  Nobody told me that it’s not good to imitate, nobody stopped me from watching episodes that requires parental. 

(from the Cantonese episode, Life of Omission)

By pytam1105

Assignment 2d- MOTHER’S CHOICE!!

What is it like to be a mother if you are only 18 years old?

Suzanna, a friend of mine, told me that she became a mother four years ago when she was 18. I looked at her wide eyes. Her 30-inch waist creeped me out. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing!

(picture) that describes her pregnancy process

 

DIFFERENCE IN LIFESTYLE

Life before pregnancy Life after pregnancy
- She is a part-time model and a student-She is an ideal girl to many guys

-She loves shopping, clubbing and she doesn’t have to worry about living expenses

-Her parents support nearly all her needs and wants

-Tries to look her best   (self-critical about her appearance without makeup)

                                                                        

-She had to work 10 hours per day   as a waitress to support her child-She lives with her 4-year-old in a 350 sqft apartment inside a communal building in Wong Tai Sin, Hong Kong

-Does not have extra money for luxuries

-Has a bad relationship with her parents

-Gets financial aid from the   government

-No longer has time to put on makeup        

“I felt so different when I first became a mother. Do you ever have to wake up in the middle of the night and change diapers for the baby and feed them when they are hungry? Their crying sounds ring in my head. Have you ever been to the food market after work and had to fight for cheap groceries with other middle-aged housewives? The never-ending exhaustion of these years has killed my body. I am only 22 right now but I feel like I am already 40 years old,” Suzanna said.

IF I WAS IN SUZANNA’S POSITION:

I am also 22 years old. This year, I am graduating from university and thinking about my career. I find my life is so different from Suzanna’s life. I’ve held her four year-old child in my arms. Her baby girl, Joyce, smiled at me and jumped on me. Her chubby face and her big eyes made me want to kiss her. I had the sudden thought that if I were to have a child like Joyce, her life would be harsh. I cannot support her financially, I cannot sacrifice myself to give her my personal time, and I might not be able to take myself as her mother.

(picture of how an unmarried mother cannot support her kids well)

Her dream was to study abroad at a Parisian university.

I cannot believe how a child could have changed this woman’s life so much in just four years.

(picture of an unmarried mother who has to give up her own dream after giving birth to a child)

How could this have happened?” I thought to myself.

I sat down on a wooden chair provided by the landlord. She didn’t have a sofa in her house. Suzanna handed me a cup of tea and she took a deep breath. I know that she and I pursued a quality lifestyle, but now it seems nearly impossible for her dream to come true.

HOW DID SHE LET HERSELF GET PREGNANT?

“That night I was drunk. I remember that we went to a hotel near the club in TST and we had sex…without using condoms. I tried to resist but he said it feels better without using condoms. I loved him so I trusted him. After I woke up the next morning, I found myself undressed on the bed. My boyfriend already left the room.

It started the second week. I vomited at least 3 times a day. I always had to go to the washroom. I took a pregnancy test.”

TEST RESULTS:

The first time- positive

The second time- negative

The third time – positive

I didn’t know what to do at that time except to tell my parents. My dad scolded me, pointed at me with his middle finger and dashed out the door. I ran back into my room. I didn’t have the appetite to eat. I didn’t know what to do. A few days later, he asked me to leave the house.”

“My life has completely changed since I got pregnant. All my friends are still at school and enjoying their university life while I have to work. My boyfriend who worked as a salesman dumped me after he found out that I got pregnant. He told me to pretend that we never knew each other. He said to pretend we only met each other once nightclub.” Suzanna paused.

I gave her a hug. In her eyes, I saw regret and pain.

Her story taught me that I must avoid the wrong path and I need to have goals in my life in order to be successful.

Suzanna’s daily schedule

7:00 am- Wake up and boil milk and cook dinner

8:00 am- take the baby to the community center for daycare

9:00 am- goes to work

12:00 pm- sometimes go back to the community center to visit the baby

7:00 pm- pick up the baby from the community center

8:00 pm- arrived home and cook dinner

9:30 pm- help the baby shower, change her diapers, and do other chores

11:00 pm- if possible, go to bed (sometimes the baby will cry and whine)

I feel sorry for Suzanna. I didn’t know what to say except to comfort her. She was once my idol and her life is totally screwed by a man who doesn’t love her. What makes a relationship so fragile?

By pytam1105
Aside

Donate Blood ! EVERYONE NEEDS BLOOD TO SURVIVE!

Why donate blood?

Why is blood so precious in Hong Kong today? 

BLOOD SAVES PEOPLE’S LIVES. 


After watching the documentary….

I REALIZED…..

Some donators donate blood more than 500 times.

Oh my God, they also encourage their whole family to donate blood. Some even say that they become addicted to blood donation.

One of the blood recipients…

Ms. Chung Hei Tung lived with her sickness for almost 18 years. She suffered from  severe Thassalma since she was young. Since then, she was fated to visit the hospital at least once a month to get blood. Without these generous blood donators, she might not even be alive! It recalled my own experience in visiting in hospitals. The smell of antibacterial was enough to make me feel anxious. Yet, Chung had to overcome the disgust of the smell, let alone the pain of needles, monthly in order to maintain the spark of her life.

Throughout the interview, what Chung mentioned the most was her greatest thanks to the blood donators.

She claims that the “donator’s sincere heart touched me and pushed me to work harder to fight against the disease, and to live my life.”

After I insert blood in my body, I gain more energy, both mentally and physically” she said. I looked at Chung’s face throughout the interview, she is a very positive and energetic girl. Its hard to imagine that she has been going through such a difficult time with the cheerful smile that she always has on her face.

Tears blurred my vision.

I love this phrase!!!! 

“All I can give her is food and the best education, but I cannot give her blood when she needed it, if blood in Hong Kong wasn’t distributed freely, my daughter couldn’t have survived,” her mother said.

Her mother’s words impacted me. Chung’s mother is more than willing to give up all her blood for her daughter to stay alive. Unluckily, there is a limit to how much blood a person can donate and most importantly, Chung’s sickness demands a constant supply of blood from blood bank, which will not be full without the great generosity of Hong Kong blood donators. Although Chung is only one particular unlucky case. I kept her words in mind. I wouldn’t be as brave as Chung if I had Thasamma, therefore I realized that I am a very fortunate girl to have great health.

  Blood is like a present for those in need!

I found that in Hong Kong, blood became more precious than other essentials in the world. Last year when I participated in an introduction meeting at the Hong Kong Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service, one of the helper at the service said, “We hope that more teenagers can participate in the donation event and enjoy the experience.”

Tons of Reasons that fear people to Donating Blood:

-          Scare not enough blood to survive

-          Pain in inserting needles

-          Many thought that there are always other people helping those who are in need

Think about it… If a patient needs blood, they can only depend on the blood donators.

So, it is necessary for us to start donating blood.

THE SOCIETY NEEDS US!!!!!!!!

The Hong Kong Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service is opened in 1952 and it is the only organization that supports patients with blood. Each time a person donates blood, the blood will be separated into different trays for further classification in the blood donation machine. Each bag of blood can save three to four patients. Donating blood not only helps people live a new life, but it also helps us gain better health by urging the body to reproduce red blood cells.

Since it is a win win situation, will you volunteer to donate blood and help the ones in need?

Do you think it is worthwhile to donate blood to those that are in desperately in need of blood.

In fact, donating blood is no scary at all. To those that may be reading the blog right now, I encourage you to try. As a start, let me tell you my first blood donation experience.

My first time donating blood:

The first time when I donated blood, I cried at the Blood Donation Center at Mong Kok in Hong Kong. My mom gave me the motivation to stay on my seat to continue donating my blood. When my name was called, the nurse led me into a small room with a few donators stuck with needles. Everything inside the small room gave me goosebumps. All the donators were lying flat on a couch and gently rolling like a sphere lke object in their hand to make sure the blood runs to the donation bag. The vast silence in the small room scared me. At the same time, The room re- entered the room with all the materials she needed. Without looking at me, she is extremely scary and cold.  The nurse entered the room, held the needle up, and flicked the tip of the needle like a professional. I glared at the needle as the nurse sat closer and closer. The sweat beads on my face dripped down uncontrollably.

“You can save a lot of people after you donated your blood,” my mom said as she sat next to me.

I glanced at her and said, “but I don’t know them, I don’t know who I am donating my blood to and I wouldn’t know if my blood is useful,” I complained.

My eyes darted back and forth. The nurse clenched my arm and gently pressed the needle into my veins.


Assignment 1f- DONATE BLOOD!

By pytam1105